i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize