I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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