So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
