oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize