There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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