just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
