Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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