Who wears a wallet chain?!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it was like eating out sand paper
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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