seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize