Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
