your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
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I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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