Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
