the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
His hands were made for my vagina.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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