But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
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I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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