i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
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My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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