get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
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