Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
my nose is crying tears of wow.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
