Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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