im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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