Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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