I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
