Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i dont even know how to be here
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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