I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize