Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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