Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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