oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
someone owes me an orgasm
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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