You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
