is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
