party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
