I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
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I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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