yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize