my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.