you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
Bring me that man meat
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.