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If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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