I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.