Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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