It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
