I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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