I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
