yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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