I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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