theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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