I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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