I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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