Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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