Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
