pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.