A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.