I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
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I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.