Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
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I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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