Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?