Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips