he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you