You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito