Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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