Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize