no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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