So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
