I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
